She felt like God had to make special ‘interventions’ in her life to make right all the wrong she had done and had experienced at the hand of others. “It’s like God has been looking out for me,” she wrote. “I don’t know why God does this. I’m feeling so worthless and so down because once again, I’ve been lied to, and humiliated and it is always me who must pay the consequences of others' actions.”
“In fact, sometimes when God does intervene,” she wrote, “I get mad at Him because I want to stay in the defeated state and not move on. I want an excuse to wallow in this muck and hide from my life and from God but He won’t let me. It’s at those times I feel God’s gentle but persuasive pull and slowly I stand back up with His help.”
"My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9 (The Message)
She told me that, "This morning while I checked my emails, still wearing my PJs at 10 am, with un-brushed teeth and tears still leaking from my eyes, God ministered to my soul through the beautiful sunlight that shone on my face. For a moment, I forgot that I was in the frigid north, surrounded by secrets and lies and I imagined that I was on an island beach and this sunny sunshine was warm and everything was sandy and then I forgot what had happened to me and I felt like God had made that little light shine just for me!
I rejoiced and thanked Him for a small glimpse of His sunny grace.
Then feeling a little better, I suggested making waffles for my daughter and oh, how I tensed up when I realized that the words were out of my mouth before I had checked to see if we had the ingredients. I let out a sigh of relief when we did have everything we needed and how good those waffles tasted as we stood at the counter scarfing up warm waffles with melted butter and maple syrup in our jammies!
And again I rejoiced and thanked Him for a small taste of His sticky grace.
And while I was typing this letter to you, my friend, the front door made music as the keypad was punched and in walked my other daughter from university all excited and with wet hair, talking a blue streak about a date in the dark, of eating at a restaurant in the dark, being seated by a blind waiter and her excitement was palpable, she was effulgent then blushing when I saw the ring on her finger, not from the boy but given by a roommate and it made me forget what happened this week that had left me stuck in the mud of fear and distrust.
And I rejoiced and thanked God for such a glimpse of youthfulness and how His grace is given to young and old, weary and energized, those stuck and those free.
And all of a sudden I felt free—was free—free from the power of sin and humiliation and free to experience all of God’s grace given so undeservedly to me.”
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,
made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—
it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ
and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,
in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches
of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.
~ Ephesians 2:4-7 (NIV)